Book...Sex, sexual fluidity and love...choose wisely!

Image taken from Google

This book is not for everyone. It will shock you and at some point make you wished you could have slapped all the characters. 

I have always been a fan of Eric Jerome Dickey’s because of the way he expresses a woman’s thoughts, intuitions, feelings and scorn accurately.  Having read books surrounding the theme of lesbianism this book helped me figure out some of the issues I was dealing with before I accepted my sexuality. I read between the lines. The confusion of acceptance of one’s sexuality is always difficult. 

Being in love with a woman and not being certain how to express that love sometimes engage in behaviors that you hope will bring about inevitability.

The story is narrated from the view point of the male character. Between lovers is the story of  a woman who left her fiance at the altar because she was unsure of her sexuality, she returns seven years later and is still indecisive but this time she’s not sure if she wants to be with the woman she left him for.

In order to truly “figure” herself out, the protagonist Nicole prearranged a threesome between ex fiance, the narrator and girlfriend, Ayanna.

As the story develops, the selfishness and self-absorption of everything Nicole says and does take center stage, all her decisions were designed to seek her self-interest. She controlled the narrator emotions; the way he should feel about her and the way he should feel about her girlfriend.  Nicole is egotistical for the very begin.

The story unfolds quickly and I can’t help but be drawn into Nicole's struggle with her sexuality and the complexity of denying what you feel and what you know to appease others. But I'm not drawn into her self pity as she blamed the narrator for awakening her inner lesbian because he paid a random stripper to dance with her on a vacation in Paris years ago. She blamed him for freeing her inhibitions. Yea, you are gay because a woman gyrated on you.

I loathed Nicole for using her sexuality as an excuse to take advance of the people who loved her. I don’t believe in that whole fluid theory of sexuality. I felt really sorry for the narrator and Nicole’s girlfriend; they were just puppets in Nicole’s party.

Somehow I identified with all the characters. In one chapter I find myself being compassionate then by the next chapter I hated them all; the stories plays on your emotions. There is tension and competitiveness. 

In some chapters I wished the narrator will gets over his feelings for Nicole and move on with his life, come on it’s been seven years, she left you at the altar isn’t that enough embarrassment?  And the girlfriend; she was brainwashed and being taken advance of.  I liked the headstrong professionalism of the girlfriend's character; she seems strong yet fragile. Everyone needed to leave each other alone because hurting people to satisfy egotism is never the right thing to do.

No one can control human emotions and sexuality.

As the fight for Nicole between the narrator and the girlfriend intensified; the truth is revealed Nicole and her girlfriend was not just "girlfriends or lovers", they were married! 

This was one of the shocking and angrier moments reading this book. Who the hell gets their wife to agree to something so contemptible! This is where sexual fluidity sets in I guess. Again,you can’t manipulate people's feelings while you figure out yours. Aspect of this book is the very reason why lesbianism is not taken seriously and also why lesbian believe bisexual women will choose a man over them. 

Luckily since the idea brought confusion the threesome never happened and it’s a good thing.

The end of the book was a shocker just when the entire story comes crushing down and everyone’s heart is broken, and hatred and corruption was exploring; and as the race for Nicole quickly became a lose-lose situation, the final test presented itself; Nicole is knocked down by car.

Both the narrator and Nicole’s girlfriend stayed by her side through the ordeal, while at the hospital they bonded and I thought finally they all came to their senses but there you saw who still wanted to preserve their relationship with Nicole.

In the end guess who won…if you guess Nicole’s wife that’s right, that rainbow flag was raise high on the rooftop.

Like I said Between Lovers is not for everyone but all in all it’s entertaining and a good read.

Movie- Loving Annabelle

“Do I make you nervous?”

Most times when we hear about teacher-student relationships and the words that usually comes out everyone’s mouth is “It’s not right”. I agree it’s not. But have anyone ever thought a student can prey on a teacher’s vulnerability. And that is exactly what Annabelle did.

Loving Annabelle can easily fall into the category of the typical catholic school theme story. Annabelle, the “bad girl” needs to be reformed and her teacher Simone had the unfortunate task of dealing with her teenage rebellion.

I would be lying if I said I hated this movie and that I didn’t overlooked the fact that the teacher-student relationship is not a good example. I love this movie

This was the second lesbian movie I saw because of the theme songs All over me  and Gravity me that a very sweet young lady left in my inbox.

The characters in the movie are relatable. I empathize with Simone’s character, she’s meek and repressed. She clearly needs some type of therapy because there are a lot of things going on with her. Then there is Annabelle, who challenges everything. I appreciated that Simone resisted Annabelle’s advances. Simone’s focus was on aiding Annabelle re-think her eccentric behavior.

Annabelle’s character was not as rebellious as they like us to think.

Simone had boundaries and followed all the rules, she pointed them to Annabelle. But not by saying you are my student or portraying any forceful authority. I thought Simone’s delivery and demeanor was fragile especially when she said, “I can’t do this.”

But that’s what I love about the movie.

The fact that Simone is a closeted lesbian was irrelevant. It was only relevant for us to see where her repression came from but irrelevant because we saw that she was always professional. When you know better you do better.

Google Image

Annabelle pushed her buttons, the scene in Simone’s room when Annabelle touched and said “Do I make you nervous”, the flowers she sent to her in class with the notes and the moment at the beach Simone resisted every advance. After the scene at the beach Simone finally stop socializing with Annabelle. It’s about boundaries and respecting people’s space and a little of bit sexual harassment.

Annabelle’s classmate and roommates saw her attraction for Simone and heckles her about it she becomes frustrated and fought with one of the girls.

Simone’s aunt is a bitch, sorry to say. Something about her is incestuous, Simone facial expression and body language says it all she makes her very uncomfortable.

We endure an entire movie with no real physical connection between Annabelle and Simone just a lot of sexual tension. Until the night of the school dance when Annabelle mounted the stage and sang “All of me” that was the straw that broke the camel’s back Simone’s guards were let down. Finally the love scene! But it was short lived as another troubled student Katrine ruins it for everyone by intentionally mentioning to Simone’s aunt Annabelle did not come back to the dorm after the dance and she suspected Annabelle spent the night with Simone. They are caught as they hurriedly dressed and just like that the movie is over and the police are taking Simone away.

Moral of the story don’t let your student lead you into temptation because there will be a jail cell waiting for you.

At the end of the movie I felt cheated; Simone tried tirelessly to do the right but Annabelle’s persistence weakened her. And what does Annabelle get out of it, her teenage heart broken.  Loving Annabelle is a cult lesbian movie you can watch it over and over and never get tired of it.

FORBIDDEN DESIRES!!

Last semester I did a creative writing course which I enjoyed immensely. I decided to share my final assignment with. I got an A for this story entitled 'Her Indiscretion'. Maybe if I continue writing I can do a novella of lesbian theme short stories.

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Its six fifteen p.m. Sunday evening I’m seated in my car on the Lady Young Lookout Morvant emotionally drained. My world was falling apart. My husband chose to use my affair with Rachel as the topic for his Sermon in church this morning to reiterates the church’s stance on homosexuality.  For a man of the cloth Terrence knew nothing about humility.

I touched my face; it stung from where my mother slapped me, the fainted taste of blood lingered in my mouth as my mind drifted back and forth to the confrontation in Terrence’s office.

“Everyone is overreacting.”

Is it fair that we both love the same woman? I know I love her more, more genuinely but she wants you because of the life that’s acceptable, I’m hurting, my love is wasted hoping for something that almost seems impossible

“She’s hurting because her love is wasted...You are my wife you had an affair with a woman and I should not react.” Terrence voice roar, veins grew on his forehead, Bible in hand he flipped through the pages from Genesis to Timothy ranting the scriptures that condemns homosexuality. “Thirteen years I was married to a Sodomite, you are the reason God spiting me and I can’t see my way I should have my ministry by now.”

My mother agreed with his every word, fed into his self-pity calling me blight.

I reached into the glove compartment, retrieved Rachel’s letter of repentance I read it again.

She wrote the truth needed to be told regardless if hearts will be broken.

We met at the outreach program in the church when my grandmother was part of the committee visiting the children’s and Senior citizens home. Tricia always made sure I had money etc to go to class. My Grandmother’s held a small get together at her house in Carenge that’s when this unexpected affair started. We were in the kitchen doing dishes talking… I can’t even remember what we were talking about when suddenly she kissed me I was speechless because there was no indication of that she would, she never showed that affection. We ignored it until Old Years night while fire works were lighting the sky we stood on Hilton’s Rooftop deliberating what we should do, we knew something click when we met and something was different and we were willing to explore these feelings. It was not easy for either of us. Tricia became miserable, struggling with her urges that she sorted professional counseling at the Wellness Center. I had accepted that I was gay at sixteen, but Tricia had convinced herself she was experimental and didn’t label her sexuality… I had to deal with the uncertainties… While you lived with the beautiful facade she puts on I lived in emotional torture…and you don’t even appreciate her

I flicked away tears coursing down my cheeks I felt the agony in every word she wrote yet I held no anger in me towards her as the torturous conversation replayed in my mind with Terrence demanding I showed him where in Bible supports same sex relations.

“I can’t do that. You show me where it say don’t judge people.”

He exclaimed, “Tricia you grew up in church your father was a pastor. You should know better…They send you for me. You are my devil.”

“Devil? You embarrassed me in front the entire church. You are a hypocrite! Before my father died I told him and he got down on his knees with me he didn’t treat me less than a human. Practice what you preach Terrence forgive me”  

My mother chimed in “You sound stupid like them stupid people supporting this gay funniness. Stop lying about your father; he’s probably turning in his grave right now. It not right! God did not forgive Sodom and Gomorrah! Don’t forgive she.”

“It’s not a lie Mommy I’m still a good person, Terrence I’m still the same person.”

“Terrence the upholder is worse than the thief.How you get so Tricia? You never get abuse when you was small in no way shape, form or fashion, you grow up in a good home is the TV everything black people seeing them white doing them doing too”

“All I’m hearing is how wrong I am no one is listening to me.”

Terrence tosses the letter on the floor angrily, “Listen to what Tricia! That already explained it! This nastiness has been going on for years. I remember when we went Barbados for your 30th birthday you insisted Rachel had to come and since I thought she was your best friend I agreed but I found the both of you were acting weird like something was wrong I though maybe you fallout, when I asked you said it was nothing. That entire weekend not once you let me touch you.”

“I didn’t let you touch me because I was still coming to terms with the lost of my baby. I carried a child full term and she died. Do you know what that feels like? I had to pretend that I accept death as part of life and I can’t carry because of my medical condition.  Rachel was the only person who took time and patience to understand what I was coming through. Where was your support? Your needs always came before mines.”

I helped her through two miscarriages and a still birth; you are so crass and insensitive about it saying her time will come. Tricia needed you to be sympathetic and comforting I took a week sick leave from work to be there for her by her side after she lost the baby. I offered to carry a child for her but we knew you would never agree with the idea. I will do that for Tricia I will do anything for her…just know for  every wound you made emotionally I healed I guess it’s in my nature to be caring since I am a nurse but I feel so cheated watching how cautious and submissive she is when it comes to your feelings with no regards for mine. I guess that’s your entitlement she is your wife, right?

My mother shook her head in disdain, “Shame, you have all kinda excuse, you is a Judas, girl, God know why he not giving you children to spoil their lives…yuh not good”

“Mommy that’s what you will stand there and say to me. This is between me and my husband”. I said to my mother “Terrence I was always here supporting you. I put you first”

“If you were here like a good wife is supposed to be there will be no room for that lesbian to brainwash you. So, because I didn’t sit and cry with you, you turned into this ungodly person and branded your infidelity and sin on your flesh now you have the audacity to say I’m selfish. I want the truth.”

I cuff the steering wheel and the car horn blared. The couple in the red Mitsubishi next to me stared at me confused. I lay my head on the steering wheel more tears, sniffles; the Kleenex box was almost empty. I read some more of Rachel’s confession

I didn’t write this to be vindictive I’m a woman divided, hurt and angry the last eight years of my life has only been about Tricia that tattoo on her left arm that represents us I have the same. Sometimes I try to figure out what it is about you that keeps her there because I believe our relationship is meaningful and more in-depth. I know she prefers me. Do you realize whenever we go out for dinner and you hold her hand she doesn’t grip yours, or the minute any man approach me to ask me out how jealous she becomes, she interferes says something like I think so-so is a better person for you or Rachel’s already seeing someone. She says when she’s lying in your arms at night she’s wishing it was me; my kisses are sweeter and my touches are softer. The selfish part of me wished she had met me first especially on Holidays when I have to wait until she can get free time to run away to see me like Christmas and birthdays…Many times I’ve said all she has to do is tell me to go, for her marriage sake and she will never hear from me again…but she doesn’t and love is putting someone’s else happiness before yours

I should have lied when my eyes gazed at that mahogany polished Jesus nailed to the cross on the wall above the window in the church. Terrence and my mother were the Palestinians waiting for my confession to crucify me to my cross. The temperature in the room suddenly became stifling as though hell had risen around us.

I don’t know what to do with any of my feelings

“Truth is.” I looked at my intolerant mother, at my chauvinist husband, “I can’t turn off my feelings. I have prayed I have fast and it’s not going anywhere… I love her…” That was the beginning and end of it all.

She won’t tell me what am I supposed to do with all these feelings?

My mother right hand connected with my face so quickly I felt whip lash, the deafening buzz echoed in my ear. I heard fluid gushing around in my head, blood dipped from my lip onto my lilac blouse. Terrence step away praying inaudibly. Save her, heal her.

“Animals don’t even do that you bringing yuhself lower than animals! You should be in St. Ann’s because you mad!” My mother blasted.

“Love shouldn’t be wrong between two consenting adults the way I feel about Rachel doesn’t feel wrong.”

There’s nothing wrong about the way I feel about Tricia

My mother shouts, “What madness you saying?”

I could feel myself breaking down but I refused to be submerged by my emotions.

Terrence looks to ceiling, “Lord help me.”

“Mommy, Terrence this is who I am.”

Terrence put his hand on my forehead, “A homosexual? No, you will be saved from this wickedness.”

I knock his hand away, “There is nothing wrong with me something is wrong with the both of you for believing in a God that teaches hate and violence. I can’t accept that!”

My mother wailed like she was in a sudden pain. But not as strong as the agony that wept from Rachel’s written expressions.

Terrence spoke to the ceiling, “This is my test!” Held me firmly, “Pray with me. “

“No.”

Terrence spits in my face,“Get out of my eye sight you can’t be my wife … you sick.”

“Open your Bible I know where it says that’s okay.”

“Disrespectful…You will never see God face.” My mother hurl her finally insult.

“Neither will both of you.”

I pick up my purse, the letter off the floor and walk away from my smoldering battlefield.

Is it fair that we both love the same woman… what makes your love right and mine wrong, gender?…You don’t see her..I have her heart and that’s better…

A little after seven p.m. my raging emotions settled I threw the letter back into the glove compartment.

I drove along the Lady Young to the busy Eastern Main Road I was no longer living a lie, I was free. I drove into Sunshine Avenue, San Juan to the apartment Rachel and I have been leasing for the last three years mentally anticipating, knowing this moment will soon come.

I switch on the laptop on the counter top; Rachel’s face appeared on Skype

“When are you coming home?” I said.

“I have a few rounds to make, to check on some patients I should be there around four.” She sighs, looked worried, “How did it go?”

“Not good…but I’m ok. Wait up for you?”

“No get some rest, and don’t worry we will be fine.” Rachel smiled the satisfying sign of victory smeared across her face.

Poetry challenge!!!

I was challenged by The Word Korner a blog by one of my classmate in Communication via Social Networking. So I wrote this poem. It is not about anyone in particular. Well, let me think, yes it is. It isn't a genius piece; kind of corny but I think I did a pretty decent job.

Image taken from Google

ZONING

You looking at me, looking at you trying to unlock you

I’m guessing your password starts with I

Because I’m encrypted inside your secret files

I’m not over ambitious so I’m waiting for you to reveal the personal thoughts

Explain why our eyes are lost in a daze looking at me, looking at you

Insane feelings, I swear I hear your voice screaming

Through the noise

Hopeless feelings

Living on fallacies I’ve already connected all her dots

These crazy games we play for thrills, stirring confusion

Comforting lies that she was beyond me 
And I was just a voyeur seeking pleasure on her bareness

Looking for the brighter side

Our brighter side is deeper than unearthed treasures

Deeper and darker than undiscovered galaxies

She’s untouched, untainted, disguised

Our worlds are a nostalgic catastrophe

She’s exciting,  misery masquerading as strangers 

Camouflaged, impatiently waiting 
Watching her smiles wasted on the randomness of unsystematic admirer 
Broken records with over played, shabby line like girl “you’re too beautiful to be here alone”

Rushed words, misinterpreted, ruin intimate exchange

Looking at her, looking at me this delinquently romantic escapade, 
We’re over lust 
Over analyzed…girl come over here and talk to me

Lesbianism and sexual abuse

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Sexual abuse is always a sensitive topic that most people would rather not discuss and prefer the issue be swept under the carpet. I cannot say for certain that childhood sexual abuse can lead to someone’s sexual identity but I don’t think that the theory should be overlooked as some form of conditioning can determine a person’s sexual orientation. 

Tessa’s story

When people ask me if I’m a lesbian because I was molested as a child, I say it’s a contributing factor. I am a clichéd lesbian. Growing up my mother worker as the housekeeper for a well-known family in West mooring, she was the live in domestic worker from the moment I was born until I was about eleven years old. We were treated well, as though we were part of the family. I never told my mother, that her boss’s eldest son was sexually abusing me. It started when I was six years, I couldn’t tell my mother because we had nowhere else to live. We had no family residing in Trinidad that we knew of, my mother was not a citizen and her residency was not approved. We could have been deported, he pounded that in my head.

Being abused caused many problems for me. I don’t want to sound cliché’ but he ruined my childhood. I developed learning disabilities; at fourteen years I couldn’t even write my name. I could have read perfectly but my handwriting was horrible.

I was promiscuous by the time I was sixteen. I didn’t care about anything, I was extremely rebellious; not going to school, moving with the wrong crowd, going home whatever time I felt like. My mother and I fought all the time. She couldn’t discipline me; until she took me to the police. 

I behaved for a few months then, I started going astray again so she threw me out. I lived with my boyfriend for a couple of weeks until one of the neighbours begged my mom to take me back.

I dropped out of school in the final year of secondary school and my mother threw me out again. With nowhere to go I roamed the neighbourhood at day and at nights when my mother was asleep I snuck onto the pouch and slept. One morning she woke up before I did, I guess she planned it and poured a bucket of water on me and chased me away.

A man in the area rescued me. He allowed me to live in his house with no strings attached. He never made any advances or demanded anything of me. He helped me find work and also helped with my schooling to obtain some CXC passes.

It was during this period when I thought about being constantly assaulted and tormented  I developed a contempt towards men. The tornado my life was caught up in was because of being sexually abused.  Everything about men I hated their smell, their voice, their touch disgusted me; I wanted anything to do with men. I was able to get a small place to be on my own. It was then I found solace in the comfort of women. Now, my promiscuity was going from one woman to the next I was wild.

My mother came to my place and confronted me one afternoon. She said, she heard rumours that I was a lesbian.  That was the day I revealed the sexual torture I endured as a child the animosity I had for her because I blamed her. My mother became very ill because of my revelation. I moved back home to take care of her. Being able to confide in my mother I was able to put in my life back in a positive perspective. All is not well between us; my mother and I have a bittersweet relationship. 

So, I do believe my sexual abuses played a major role in my sexual orientation because I know as long as I am alive I never want to be touched by a man again.

When it comes to sexual abuse and sexual orientation, there is no clear cut connection to indicate one leads to the other. However, I think if someone says, that, as of a result of their abuse they are gay it should not be disputed because sexual abuse can condition an individual to build fear and grave disgust. In Tessa’s case, and many women who share the same sentiments, sexual abuse causes many physiologically effects. 

The percent of women who identifies as lesbian and who were sexually abused as a child is statistically very low.

Coming out is not a big deal!

Image taken from Google

I had no intentions to discuss "coming out"; mainly because personally I don’t see it as being important. 

Not that it's not important too many people but there is no urgency in me to come out to anyone not family, friends, no one; I live accordingly.
So I was told I was living in denial. Okay.

There was this one time that my mother asked me if I was gay and I looked at her like she was craziest person on the face of the earth and plainly said no. 
She never asked again. But according to my very straight best friends, my mother already knows and is only awaiting confirmation.

Should I or should I not tell her the truth? Does it even matter?

At that time I lived at home and I was probably scared of what could have happened but now that I am on my own I don’t think I really need to verify that information.

Do I need to come out?

For many people coming out has to do with the opinions of those around them. Most of the stress surrounding coming out is the reaction of those around you.

So to a person becoming open with their sexuality or gender, it is a life altering decision and I do applaud and respect those that made that brave and bold decision to claim their sexuality. 
For some coming out means living freely and easier because of the new found acceptance and visibility. 

While this is true, I think self acceptance is sufficient; your personal relationship shouldn’t need any justification. Approval isn’t needed.

Coming out can mean disapproval from the same family and friends you want so desperately to accept you. Not everyone is lucky to have the support of family as many gay people are disowned by their families after they do. Sometimes “coming out” put you at risk of being discriminated against and abused. What should you do live your life to please others?

The fact of the matter is we live in a heterosexual society; this can not be ignored. When you see a person on the street, the last thing you would consider is their sexuality. I guess it’s the habitual labeling of sexualities that makes coming out necessary to differentiate from the majority.

Movie time again...I want a hooker too!

This movie took me awhile before I even watched it, so now imagine your sex life is completely devoid of passion, and now imagine your concerned friends set you up with a hooker. Okay I could imagine that. But not just any hooker a wonderfully gorgeous, sexy, intelligent one sounds too good to be true, right? Well that’s just what happened in a perfect ending.

As Rebecca and Paris went back and forth deliberation if they should carry on with the arrangement, their stories are revealed with honesty and compassion. Paris’s boyfriend died in a vehicle accident and Rebecca’s husband sexually abused her daughter, who’s not his biological child and the one secret she doesn’t reveal is she only had a few months to live. I didn’t even realize that until the funeral at the end of the movie.

Doesn’t sound so perfect, now does it? I guess it ended perfect for Paris as Rebecca left part of her estate to help her open an art gallery.

Image taken from Google

Rebecca and Paris have unbelievable chemistry and the sex scenes, which are intimately revealing, require a level of susceptibility which is an essential element in showcasing the beauty of imperfection and the emotional contrast of the movie's title.

A Perfect Ending is multi-layered and addresses important and pervasive issues that affect the lives of millions of women yet it manages to be entertaining and thought provoking.

It skillfully explored issues that impair women lives which often prevent us from fulfilling our potential and finding the pleasure that we deserve. A perfect ending will make you laugh out loud, it might even make you shred a tear or two and it will make you think about it well after the movie has ended. 

So the next time your friends set you up on a hooker who knows it might just change your life. I’m kidding!

Lesbians and labels, they are not only for clothes!

First off let me say I am perfectly fine not identifying with any labels.  I know  saying this I can literally have my head eaten off for not choosing or standing up because of the ambiguous nature of the topic in the lesbian community. Every label has positive and negative images and clichés associated with it.

Labels should not serve as rigid or set rules of expressing how and what we feel and desire.

Some of the most recognized lesbian labels are stud, femme, butch, stems and of course no label.

Identifying as no label means not falling into the stereotypical categories of fem,stud or butch. No labels usually doesn't give off any traditional signs or signals that they are in fact gay.

Image taken from Google.
This is the expectation of what a lesbian couple
should look like "stud" and "femme"

Are labels necessary in the lesbian community?

“I think they are useless"

“I think that labeling ourselves is a way for heterosexual to feel comfortable with our sexuality.  It’s easier to accept us if they put us in some kind of expectation of the way we look and act I don’t think it’s necessary.”

“I am a woman who loves women and that is my two cents on the topic”

“LABELS ARE VERY RESTRICTIVE, get to know ME, don’t pry for a label and then try to decide how you want to relate to me. I dislike "boxes" I find them to be quite claustrophobic so to speak”

Having a label for some makes it easier to relate to certain lesbian groups but not everyone can associate with a particular group.

There are lesbians who believe labels are very important as it gives a sort of social identity and distinguish them from the different subcultures in the community.
Some believe very strongly that attaching a label to who you are makes their behaviour and who they have relationships with more substantial.

This is a personal conversation
I had with a woman
who identifies as a "stem"

Taken from Google image.
Stud for stud is frown upon
this is from my observation

I have attached some extracts from a conversation with a woman who identifies as a stem. Maybe she does have a point to her argument but I do believe that placing a label to yourself is a restriction. It says you are expected to be with a certain individual.

I believe this is the reason why "stud for femme" "femme for femme" are seen as the only acceptable lesbian relationships in the eyes of heterosexual and even some lesbians.

The minute people sees a "stud for stud" or butch for butch" couple they are turned off by it because by placing labels we are saying what is acceptable and what is not, when truly it should not even matter.

Extracts from a conversation with
a female who identifies as a "stem"

As lesbians we already have to explain the complexity of our sexual orientation, why is there a need to also fall into a category and add another label to who we are, saying you are a woman who love women is no longer satisfactory.

I understand that some lesbians only date certain "groups" and I respect that but we are only boxing ourselves in with all these labels. Labels comes with the weight of the world because there are criteria to follow on the way we act, dress and socialize.

So labels are they necessary? For me no, but to each his/her own if there is a need to identify with a particular setting. Be who you are; if dressing like a boy is comfortable nothing is wrong with that, speak and love who you want because at the end of the day we are all just women.

The lesbians and bisexual girls showdown

For some lesbians the idea of dating bisexual women comes with a resounding no. I have never dated a bisexual and I am not verse on the subject. But from observations bisexuality is perceived as an illegitimate sexuality.

Biphobia in the lesbian community manifests itself in many different ways where bisexual women often find their sexuality under scrutiny.

So, what’s the big deal with some lesbians not dating bisexual women?

         

     They need to choose one or the other, they can’t have it both ways, that’s just being greedy.

     Lesbians already know what they want, women and there is no in between. I am sure there are some committed bisexuals who deserve fairness just as the next person.

Image taken from Google images

       

     To date a bisexual woman is a set up for heartache because nine out of ten times she will choose the man over the female.

     

     If your heart is going to be broken it’s going to be broken because your lesbian girlfriend/wife/partner could leave you for another woman just the same. 

     There is this insecurity amongst some lesbian that the sex between bi-women and men is somehow deeper, more intimate and more satisfying than with women because of the penetrative element. If that’s true of course lesbians are going to be threatened and doubtful. It all comes down to this, if a bi women chose to be with you then trust her choice. 

  

     They are confused straight women who can not handle monogamous relationships. If you are attracted to both sexes that is double the temptation.

  I posted the question in a Facebook group, can a bisexual woman have a monogamous relationship with a lesbian the results were unanimous with the answer “No”. 

Image taken from Google

One person even took it as far as saying “Its dependent on which side the bisexual is batting for, so basically it’s a choice and people can change their mind at any point. I would never put my money on a bisexual horse, they often change lanes”

 A bisexual woman enjoys both men and women but only connect to one person emotionally. A woman’s sexuality is separate from the type of relationships she has, when in a relationship communication is primary in establishing rules and boundaries. Everyone hates competing for someone’s time and attention.

      

     Bisexual women are for short term relationship, sexual ones too because often they are sex addicts.

The perception that bisexual women are insatiable because of their attraction to both sexes is inaccurate. I think attractions are over-analyzed and bisexuality is not a sex addiction.

      

     Bisexual women are more likely to have STD’s because they have sexual intercourse with men.

Again I was having a discussion to understand the animosity between lesbians and bisexual women and the answers were still unfavorable. This was one reply “don’t want dick takers around in that way, they are full of sickness.”

Now I thought that was a very unfair statement to make about the sickness and multiple sex partners.

In every sexual relationship it is you and your partner's responsible to practice safe sex whatever your sexual orientation maybe. Knowing your partner's sexual history before engaging in sexual activities especially with someone new is important to your health status as well as your partner's. Sexually transmitted disease and STI’s don't discriminate because reckless sexual behavior can be found in persons whether they are gay or straight. 

I examined myself and asked myself the same questions taking into consideration everything I have discovered. I will like to think that I am an open minded person, so would I date a bisexual woman hmm maybe, maybe not...no.

Image taken from Google

But like I said before, I am not well-informed on the topic of female bisexuality but from my observations biphobia in the lesbian community compasses around the same elements as misogyny and homophobia. Most responses are driven by stereotypes and bad experiences which have sowed horrible ideas about bisexual women. These ideas turn us against each other when we ought to unite to battle the same system that coerces us. 

My final thoughts on the matter is, a lesbian has the potential to break your heart just as hard as a bisexual can and if we are truly seeking equality we have to stop thinking that someone being different means they should be discriminated against and bullied out of communities they want to be a part of. 

Come on lesbians, be nice to the bi girls!

My first Lesbian relationship began in Church

Image taken from Google

I am revisiting my last post on dating by request.  The easiest way of meeting other lesbians besides online dating is through secret parties held throughout the year. 
There are private clubs and groups that host singles meet and greet all with the purpose of making a love connection.  
There are also meet and greets for recreational purposes like last Sunday's hike. There are boat rides, river limes, bus rides and game night which are all organized through online venues. Most events are designed for match making; once you are apart you will know when and where these events are.
 I once attended a tea party in the Queens Park Savannah where we played games and socialized. There is a secret world that once you are not a part of you will never know exist.

In my last post I mentioned one of my friends meet her girlfriend at church. Tischelle (not her real name) share her experience with me.

Is it unorthodox to engage in same sex relationship at church? She asked me.

I think it doesn’t really matter; there are homosexuals in churches, temples, mosques. Happiness isn’t about gender, it’s about the person you fall in love with not the physical genetic structure.

Image taken from Google images

Tischelle’s story

I had the same dream every little girl had growing up; I wanted a handsome husband and three kids, two boys and a girl. I identified as heterosexual and didn’t even believe two women can have an intimate relationship until Amy changed that.

She was a girl at church; we were in dance ministry together.  She would usually help me with my steps so her putting her arms around me or holding my hands to me was innocent. At church we sat together, we had an unexplainable energy I just thought it was because we spent so much time together dancing.  Amy paid the most attention to me her gazes lasted a little longer; there was an extra closeness between us. At the end of service when the congregation usually hugged, her hugs lasted a second or two longer it always made my pores rise. I had no explanation for my feelings.

I lost my virginity when I was fourteen years old, I loved men and I loved sex so whatever I was feeling for this young woman was indescribable.

Church camp changed everything, it changed the way I saw Amy, and it changed my views on life, on sexuality and how I saw myself. 

Church camp starts Carnival Friday evening and ends Carnival Tuesday.

It was Carnival Sunday night and we had just finish doing a skit I can’t even remember what it was about, we retired to our sleeping bag Amy’s was next to mine. We stayed awake talking, well kind of whispering trying not to disturb the others sleeping nearby so I told her come into my bag.  Amy hesitated and kept whispering I asked her again to come and lay beside me; she eased inside my sleeping bag that time. And for some reason we lost conversation, she said nothing, I said nothing yet we were wide awake.

She told me to hug her and I did, she said kiss her and I did. When she touched me I felt a sincerity I never experienced with any man. I felt a depth no one had ever taken me before. I loved the feeling she gave me.

Being sexually intimate with Amy felt good. There was this oneness a type of completeness that was hard to fathom. See here we were being shield from worldly things and it was already here within us.  Our dancing became more personal, there was this eagerness to be with her. I ended the relationship with my boyfriend because all I wanted was Amy.

We were so engulfed with each other, I would say we were reckless with our feelings because as far as I remembered she never said we were a “secret” and we did not realized our “strange” behaviour was being surveillance.

Image taken from Google

   

One of the church members brought the attention of our relationship to Amy’s family.  There was not a big fall out because our families were ashamed.
Amy was baptized (I was already baptized) to be born again without the sin of homosexuality. Then sent away for spiritual healing. We tried to keep in contact but the calls stop coming.  
I was torn apart because I loved her. 

Our relationship was categorized as being built by evil force that was searching for souls dominate. 

Truth is, the tendencies, all I had felt for Amy had to be there way before we acted on our emotions.

As I started meeting other women and flowing into the direction of my own self-understanding I can safely say sexuality is not conventional and love should be spontaneous. I met my first girlfriend at church, isn’t that ironic?

No, it’s not ironic because you never know who you are going to meet and where you are going to meet them.