Empty closet vs Full closet

Photo taken from Google images

One day I was sitting at work when around nine a.m I received a phone call from a woman. Let's call her Nicole. She sounded very professional addressing me by my full name and I immediately thought, she was a telemarketer or someone trying to sell me insurance, so I was a little annoyed until she said, she received my number from a mutual friend. 

I was shocked so I remained silent, let her do all the talking, she kept asking are you there? Is there anything you wanted to ask, I said no because our mutual friend never mentioned her to me.

She was polite and said, "Well now you have my number give me a call."

It took me a week before I text her back. From that day we clicked. We spoke most of the day sometimes all night. Thank goodness for Bmobile free after three.

We did the social networking relationship for close to six months before meeting personally.

Image taken from Google

Everything made more sense. 
It was the birth of a whole different person all I had questioned for years were answered, everything felt absolutely authentic.

The communication and understanding were on point.  We were making plans for a future. We got engaged and planned a trip to New York to get married by the end of the next year; she bought a ring and even a rent an apartment.

Our biggest obstacle was Nicole is openly gay and I am not, so she introduced me to her mother, her friends, her son and her son’s father as her girlfriend or “wifey”. I introduced her to my circle as my friend. She disliked being called "my friend".

Other people's perception of her was the last thing she thought about. 

Image taken from Google

She’s a believer in public display of affection. Nicole is the type of person who will stand on the stairs of the Hall of Justice and profess her love. She loves holding hands in public I can tolerate that but the long hugs or trying to kiss; the attention she drew was unwarranted.  
I was not ashamed but everything has its place and time.

Image taken from Google

All of a sudden everything was moving at lightning speed.  I had uncertainties, I was not ready for a relationship where my orientation will be known to my family and friends.  I wanted to be with her without the attention, the ring,  the plans because for me so many things could have gone wrong in my life.

Then I thought we were not compatible this was only my first same-sex relationship. Also, I was very concerned that there was a child involved. She quickly clarified that her son who is about eleven understood. He was never a problem to the relationship though, we had conversations, he's very intelligent and well mannered but I found it difficult to believe he understood everything.

Nicole and I ended things on a very sour note however we maintain a bizarre friendship. I often wonder what would have if I had disregarded all my fears and lived the way we planned. 

Image of ex-girlfriend tattoo of my name

In a couple of months I met someone else and she was unsure about her sexual identity.

Dating in closet is suiting for persons who are not yet out and are in the confusion stage of their sexual identity. 








You will think that these relationship wouldl be less problematic because there’s no pressure to come out. There will be patience and understanding. 

Image taken from Google

Wrong it’s a nightmare and emotionally exhausting. It makes you feel paranoid and on the edge.

Image taken from Google images

Dating a closet lesbian comes with boundaries:

No Public Display of Affection including don’t walk to close, don’t stand to close

Social anxiety: don’t come around when my friends are around.

Conscious awareness that their homoerotic attractive is unacceptable and must not integrate into their public persona. We go to the movies and won't hold hands even though the theater is dark.

There’s gender disassociation in conversations “ I’m going out with my friend tonight. We went to dinner this weekend.It's my friend birthday” 
To the listening ear they immediately associate the person with being someone of the opposite sex.

Being in the closet you comprehend the fabrication and secrecy. Somehow you make it work because psychological you are both on the same level of development and acceptance and you were once in her shoe. 

Work on building the relationship together step by step without the fear that the others would expose your life to others, It’s safe and remotely comfortable.  Now I understand why the relationship with an out of the closet person did not work, we were in two different places mentally.
Dating is not easy as it is. The conflict of someone in the closet versus someone is not can be complicated.