Only God Can Judge Us Part 2

Source: Google

I have a religious conviction that needs reevaluation because with spirituality and sexuality there is a constant clash that a person’s religious belief must take precedent over their sexual desires. And why should that be?

I haven't written much about my partner; she too is struggling with her religious belief and sexuality.

Whenever anything goes awry she would blame it on the fact that we are “living a life of sin.” It is exasperating, the more we fight it, the more we hurt ourselves. And for what? To please the hypocrites that swear we are all connected, but point fingers at us and say, no you can't be included, you are gay. So what! 

As I witnessed her going through the motions, questioning it, denying she’s a homosexual; I distant myself from her to confront her demons.  

I do get angry because it seems as though we are wasting time, pretending to be contented while she’s sorting herself out, we are imbalance.

Is that a selfish way to think?

I understand she has to resolve her personal and spiritual relationships but in the meanwhile do we remain stagnant. Am I insensitive? Can’t we just live and let live?

In a recent discussion I coaxed her to disregard "this lifestyle" if it makes her unhappy. Offering to accompany her to the Monastery at Mount Saint Benedict for blessings, since she thought that would help. Of course, she misinterpreted my encouragement as a nonchalant escape plan; that I had found someone and was prepared to moving on with my life.  Which is the furthest thing from the truth.

I am looking out for her best interest and my sanity. Her self hate is intolerable and unacceptable.

I see some much of myself in her that I am willing to help her through, without us being involved. One of the hardest things to do; pretend all we shared was meaningless and forgettable. But then again, being a closeted lesbian, we are good at resistance and suppression.

Source: Google

It’s divided, one moment she’s all "for Jesus" and spewing the contempt fed to her saying, "gay people should consider changing their life and refrain from their deeds, then the next moment she's "we're so good together, I don't know what I would have done without you."

So we go back and forth; lately she's not bothered, realizing the truth, she is being taught to loath herself and the people who are condoning homosexuals are no better than us. 

God is forgiving.  

From my interactions with other lesbians, sexuality doesn't make a person less spiritual or religious. Lesbianism does not defer us from having a relationship with the Most High whoever He or She is.